


Taken From Red To Black

by PleasePassTheKangarooMate



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Different Earths, Duplicate characters, Evil Lena Luthor, F/F, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Minor Barry Allen, Red K Kara, SuperCorp, at least for one earth, earth 38 lena is badass and good, major character death on only one earth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22892890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PleasePassTheKangarooMate/pseuds/PleasePassTheKangarooMate
Summary: Kara's portal to Earth 1 is tampered with and she ends up on a different Earth where everything, and everyone, is different. The more Kara learns about her other self, the more she realizes what she's missing out on back home. Appearances from Red K Kara & Evil Lena. Angst with a happy ending.Canon until the end of season 4.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 28
Kudos: 129





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was not going to leave me alone until I wrote it, so here ya go!
> 
> Readers of Real Isn't How You Are Made, the new chapter is coming tomorrow :)

**Chapter one.**

It’s been three months since Kara and Lena last shared a friendly word, the relationship between them blown to pieces by Lex’s dying words. It feels like yesterday that Lena had introduced Kara when she received her Pulitzer prize, and admitted to Kara that her secret had been revealed.

Kara had tried for weeks to fix things between them, but Lena is so damn  _ hurt _ that the walls she has rebuilt are impenetrable. Sad, broken eyes have long since grown cold and resentful. So much so that Kara now avoids the DEO when she knows Lena is there, the youngest Luthor still determined to help make the world a better place; even if it means being surrounded by those who had hurt her.

Lena had made it perfectly clear that  _ none _ of them are her friends anymore, warm smiles replaced with a cool, professional demeanor. Even Brainy can’t seem to engage Lena in a conversation about anything other than work, Lena not even allowing anyone to ask how she is.

Kara had started checking on her discreetly instead, hovering amongst the clouds every night just watching Lena work late into the night. Sometimes it would only be for a few moments, other times an hour would pass before Kara would even realize. The only thing that remains the same, is the fact that Lena’s office light is always the last one to go out in the entire L-Corp building.

Even now, as Kara hovers in the rain long after midnight, Lena is still hunched over her desk. There's several empty coffee cups, but no signs of Lena having eaten anything. Her heels have long been kicked aside and her hair released from the tight ponytail. Kara can easily spot how exhausted Lena is, and it makes her stomach twist into knots.

Lena would usually look so well put together, her hair and make-up always immaculate. To other people, today is no different, but Kara can see the cracks beginning to form. Dark circles are hidden with expensive concealer, but there's no hiding the tiredness deep inside green eyes. Her movements, usually elegant, become sluggish and erratic. A sign that Lena had started on the decanter full of scotch before Kara arrived.

Kara knows Lena had been lonely before they became friends, but now Lena seems worse than before. Having that friendship and losing it, despite Lena being the one to end it, has destroyed the young CEO. The hope is gone from within her, and the few smiles that grace her lips never reach her eyes.

It breaks Kara's heart to see what Lena is becoming. Guilt claws at her, and she wishes she'd had the nerve to tell Lena the truth herself. Kara was going to, several times, but her nerve always collapsed at the last second.

Now, Kara is left to suffer for her choices, to be on the outside on the outside of Lena’s life. Whether it’s Lena’s intention to punish her or not, that’s how Kara feels. She hates leaving her each night, knowing another day of dismissal has passed by. 

She really has no choice, though. Kara can only be there for Lena if, or when, Lena decides to forgive her. Kara can’t make that decision for her; Lena needs to meet her halfway. So, for now, all Kara can do is continue to protect her from a distance.

With a sigh, Kara shoots herself into the air, speeding up into the darkness as far as she safely can. Burning tears are wicked from her cheeks by the wind, her throat closing around a solid lump. She wouldn’t do this to herself every night for anyone else, wouldn’t constantly punish herself if it wasn’t Lena.

The taste of bitter regret coats her tongue, a choked sob escaping her mouth as she speeds towards nowhere in particular. All she knows is she can’t go home to her empty apartment, not tonight, not on the night she and Lena used to have dinner together.

“Supergirl?” Alex’s voice cuts through her pain, reminding her that she still has her sister. “We need you at the DEO.” 

“On my way.” Kara turns in the air, shooting across the city, relieved to have a distraction of some kind. Even if it’s just for a few blissful hours.

Only a few minutes pass before red boots hit the DEO balcony, Kara striding down the stairs with her head held high. They don't need to know that she's in constant pain. They'd only start treating her differently anyway, with kid gloves, like Alex has been doing.

Kara approaches the hub, stopping beside Alex and not meeting anyone's direct gaze as Brainy and Nia join them.

"Thanks for getting here so quickly, Kara," Alex murmurs to her. She knows her sister is struggling, and Alex admires the way Kara hasn't let her superhero duties slip. "We've had a message from Barry, they could use your help, and maybe it would be good for you to get away for a little bit," Alex says, her voice low enough so that only Kara can hear.

"I'm fine, Alex. If they need me, I'll go. It's not about me," Kara retorts. “What do they need?” Alex sighs, struggling to ignore Kara’s flippant tone. 

“People have been going missing, only to return a few months later,” Alex says. “They’re different when they come back, Barry said it’s like their humanity has been removed somehow. They’ve been recruiting people and killing anyone who crosses them. It’s bad, Kara,” Alex explains. “Barry and his team can’t work out what’s going on exactly, but he thinks some of their powers are similar to yours.”

“Mine?” Kara asks, “that can’t be possible. Are they Kryptonians?” 

“He doesn’t think so, they  _ can _ be taken down,” Alex sighs, “but Barry doesn’t want to just start killing people. He believes they’re victims. Brainy can help you get there when you’re ready.”

“I’m ready,” Kara replies instantly. She doesn’t miss the way Nia and Alex share a concerned look, but she doesn’t comment on it. “If people are getting hurt, there’s no time to waste.” Kara sets her lips in a determined line, her hands landing on her hips. She meets Alex’s worried gaze, silently telling her sister that she’s fine, that she can do this.

“ _ Please _ be careful, Kara.” Alex wraps her arms around Kara, squeezing tightly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Kara allows herself to sink into Alex’s embrace for another short moment, before she forces herself to straighten up. “It’ll be okay…  _ I’ll _ be okay.” Kara forces a smile to her face, but it feels more like a grimace.

“I know you will,” Alex says, sounding as though she’s trying to convince herself just as much as Kara. “If you need anything, reach out. We’ll be waiting for any and all communications.” 

Kara nods, preparing herself for the journey. The trips between worlds always made her feel a little  _ off.  _ Brainy shoots her a meaningful look as the portal opens, and Kara gives him a nod. Her hair is blown in all directions, the energy from the portal causing her skin to tingle. With one last look at Alex, Kara steps inside.

It only takes her a second to notice that something is wrong, for it to feel  _ different _ than usual, but it’s too late. There’s a flicker of another world, a flash of Barry waiting for her, but it’s snuffed out like a flame in a jar.

She lands heavily on her knees, hands flying forward to brace herself, and then she feels it.  _ Pain. _ It floods her senses, forcing her further down, knees unable to hold her own weight. Kara has felt it before, but never like  _ this. _

Kryptonite burns every inch of her body. Her blood simmers like lava within her veins, and every gasping breath feels like needles attacking her lungs. Heat shoots from her eyes, a scream of anguish tearing from her throat. 

_ This is it. This is how it ends.  _

It’s relentless, her nerve endings  _ screaming _ for it to end. Unyielding green flashes across her skin, mapping the kryptonites journey through her body. Her face hits concrete, her powers draining and leaving her helpless.

She can vaguely hear yelling nearby, and two sets of strong arms grab Kara, hauling her to her feet. Kara hangs limply in their grasp, knees still grazing against the ground. There’s nothing she can do to save herself, struggling even to breathe until…

“Enough.” Kara recognizes the voice, but the steel behind it is foreign to her ears. The intensity of Kryptonite within her begins to fade, burning pain lessening to an ache and fresh air flooding her lungs. She forces her gaze up just enough to spot the pair of stilettos clacking obnoxiously across a courtyard Kara hasn’t seen before, blue eyes trailing upwards until they reach a familiar face.

_ Lena, _ but not  _ her  _ Lena. Green eyes are cold, and a sharp jaw is clenched tighter than should be possible. Lena looks down at her, eyes narrowing. Lena looks  _ hard,  _ strong features lacking the softness than Kara is accustomed to. Dark painted lips are curled in distaste, and Kara can’t help but flinch when Lena kneels down in front of her.

Lena’s gaze is intense, piercing, but Kara doesn’t allow herself to look away. She takes in the dark smokey make-up that frames brilliant green eyes, noticing how much paler Lena looks in her all black attire. That's not something Kara thought was possible. A long finger urges Kara’s chin further upwards, Lena silently drinking in the new face in front of her. New, but identical to another.

“Now where did you come from, hmm?” Lena smirks at her, glancing up at the guards holding on to Kara. “Put her with the others,” Lena orders, dropping her hand from Kara’s face as she gracefully rises back to her full height.

“Right away, Mrs Zor-El.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I guess I posted the 1st chapter before I was really ready to write this story!
> 
> Dialogue heavy, but communication is key ;)

_Earth 169_

Kara grits her teeth as she’s thrown into a cell, her knees throbbing as they hit the cold concrete. The guards lock her inside and flip a switch, a bare lightbulb glowing red, scientifically manipulated to emulate a red sun. Her powers, which had barely started to return, immediately sap from her body once more.

It takes all of Kara’s energy to pull herself onto the bed in the corner of the cell, the mattress and sheets feeling surprisingly high quality beneath her touch. She weakly looks around, frowning at the minimal ensuite bathroom within the cell. Kara’s a prisoner, albeit with small luxuries, but a prisoner nonetheless. 

Lena hadn’t followed after Kara and the guards, and Kara is desperate to see her. This may be a different Lena, on a different Earth, but Kara just _knows_ she can get through to her. No matter what, and no matter where, Lena is _good_. Kara truly believes that. 

She pushes herself back off of the bed, forcing her shaky legs to hold her weight. Kara feels vulnerable; human, and it unnerves her. She has basic fighting skills, thanks to Alex, but without her powers there’s no way for Kara to truly protect herself. It also makes it hard for Kara to work out where she is, now unable to look through walls or pick out any sounds that aren't nearby.

Frustration builds within her and Kara lashes out, her fist connecting with the exposed brick wall. She, of course, does more damage to herself than the wall and Kara sinks down to the floor, cradling her aching hand close to her chest. Blood seeps through her burst knuckles, staining her super-suit, and she briefly wonders what Brainy will have to say about that. He always gets particularly peeved whenever Kara damages her suit.

“You’re not one of them.” Kara jumps when she hears a sudden voice, and she forces herself back to her feet. Kara schools her features, prepared to fight in any way she can, but she stops short as soon as she meets her visitor's gaze.

It’s _her._ Literally her. Kara knows from past experience that it’s possible for there to be other versions of herself on other Earths, but she didn’t expect to come face to face with herself again so soon. Kara carefully watches her doppelganger, noting the flashes of color that travels through the other Kara’s veins.

Red Kryptonite.

“You’re not one of them,” the other Kara repeats herself, her eyes narrowing dangerously. Kara is aware of how much damage this version could cause, especially to her, so she moves slowly, her steps deliberate and calm. 

“One of who?” Kara asks. Red Kara frowns at her response, her head tilting to the side. She doesn’t move any closer to the cell, instead sticking to the shadows, clearly mindful of the red sun light that seeps through the bars.

“Lex’s little experiments usually fall unconscious under a red sun,” Red Kara muses, a small smirk pulling at her lips. “A whole army defeated by a light bulb. I bet his little bald head is ready to explode,” Red Kara grins wolfishly. She lets her smile linger as she gazes at the weakened version of herself. “You’re the real deal.” 

It’s not a question.

“Where am I?” Kara asks, clenching her jaw in an attempt to hide just how much pain she’s in.

“Your little portal brought you here,” Red Kara scoffs. She flips the switch, allowing the red light to die out from the cell. “You shouldn’t be here, but maybe you’ll prove to be useful to us.”

“Lena,” Kara murmurs. “She’s your wife?” she asks, remembering how the guards had referred to Lena back in the courtyard.

“She is,” Red Kara nods. She tilts her head, watching Kara with mild curiosity. “You and Lena are not married on your earth?” she asks.

“No,” Kara sighs. “We’re best friends, or we _used_ to be.” Kara drops her gaze, her stomach twisting uncomfortably. She doesn’t think she’ll ever accept Lena not wishing to be her friend anymore.

“Used to be?” Red Kara asks.

“Yeah.” Kara bites her lip. “I lied to her. I didn’t tell Lena I was Supergirl and she was so hurt when she found out.” Red Kara grins gleefully.

“Supergirl? That’s what you call yourself?” Red Kara laughs, openly mocking her doppleganger. 

“Well, I didn’t really choose the name, but yeah,” Kara frowns. “You’re not Supergirl?” Kara can’t imagine not being one of Earth’s heroes, but she’s surprised by the jealousy stirring in her gut.

“I am Kara Zor-El, last survivor of Krypton.” Red Kara’s chest puffs out, and she stands proudly as she looks down on Kara.

“But, Clark?” Kara feels tears sting the corners of her eyes.

“Like I said, the _last_ survivor.”

It’s like a punch to Kara’s guts, and she falls to her knees. She can’t imagine a world where Clark isn’t alive and, even though it’s not her fault in the slightest, Kara feels like she has failed him. She was supposed to protect him.

“He’s alive in your world?” Red Kara asks.

“Yeah,” Kara whispers. “He’s married. He has a son, and he’s a hero.”

“He was a hero here, too. He saved Lena from Lex, but there was too much kryptonite. Clark didn’t have enough left in him to save himself.” Red Kara looks away, darkness in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Kara says, and she means it. She can only imagine the pain her doppelganger has gone through.

“As am I.” Red Kara sighs deeply, watching Kara carefully before reaching out to flip a switch, the red light fading from the cell. “Your people will realize you’re missing and you will go back to your perfect world, but perhaps you can be of some use until then,” she says. “If you try anything, we will put you down like a dog,” Red Kara warns.

Kara rolls her eyes, but doesn’t respond. There’s certainly a chance that the red kryptonite could make the other version of herself stronger, especially with her powers only just starting to slowly return.

“Some sun will help,” Red Kara states knowingly. “Come with me.” Kara is left with no choice but to follow her, and she warily looks around each and every dark corridor that she’s led down. The whole place seems to be like a concrete maze and, with her powers still weak, Kara is struggling to keep track of where she is.

She’s taken out to a balcony and Kara winces against the sudden exposure of bright sunlight. It takes her eyes a few seconds to adjust, and the sight that greets her is unlike anything Kara has ever seen before.

Dozens of figures move around the courtyard below at a speed only possible to Kryptonians. They seem to be practising some kind of martial art, paired off and attacking each other from every possible angle. Kara stares, transfixed, as she recognizes one in particular. Her Aunt Astra, fighting a male Kara has never seen before, looks to be the strongest of them all.

“She’s not who you think she is,” Red Kara murmurs from beside her, shaking her head in a manner that almost seems sad. “She’s a clone.” Kara frowns, following her Aunt’s look-a-like as she speeds around the courtyard. “Lex is creating an army of synthetic Kryptonians. He has almost a thousand, and these are the only defectors.”

“And they can’t survive under a red sun?” Kara asks, her brow crinkling.

“They can survive, but they’re weak,” Red Kara says. “I wanted to use our red sun technology to attack Lex’s complex, but clones or not, Lena refuses to harm them. Lex will definitely kill the clones who are of no use to them. We’d need to ensure the clones are safely out of his clutches first, but they’d fight us before we could do that.” 

Kara feels relief settle in her stomach. Lena is still good. Her methods are perhaps a little fucked, but she doesn’t wish to harm anyone. That’s the Lena she knows. That’s the Lena she loves.

“So what _are_ you gonna do?” Kara asks. Her doppelganger scowls, red flashing across each vein in her face menacingly. 

“We’re going to walk in there, heads held high, and we’re going to wipe the smile off of that little cueball’s face,” Red Kara states darkly. “Lena’s working on strengthening our clones, to make them immune to a red sun. Once that happens, we’ll _temporarily_ weaken Lex’s clones just long enough for me to throw him into the fucking sun.”

Kara winces at the tone, unsure of how she feels about hearing it in her voice.

“What happens after you kill Lex? What will you do to his clones?” Kara almost doesn’t want to know the answer.

“We’ll offer them sanctuary,” Red Kara shrugs. “Lena has been fighting to make this planet worth living on ever since the accident. They can have a place in our ranks, or they can leave. They’ll be free to go as long as they’re not causing any harm.”

“The accident?”

“I’ve said too much,” Red Kara winces. A dark look crosses her features, “don’t ask her about it. It’s Lena’s story to tell when, and to whom, she chooses,” she warns. Kara nods, holding her hands up.

“I just want to help and then go home. I’m not going to cause any trouble for you, I didn’t even choose to come here,” Kara sighs. She opens her mouth to speak again, but the door slams open and Kara’s mouth audibly snaps closed. Lena, dressed in black and wearing an even darker expression, joins them on the balcony. Kara _stares_ at her, hot tears swarming in her eyes.

Their eyes meet for what feels like hours, cold green clashing with desperate blue. There’s no shine to Lena’s eyes. All Kara can see is pain and anger, and a resentment that she doesn’t quite understand. Kara swallows, clearing her throat as she tears her gaze away from Lena. It hurts too much to see her this way. Instead, she forces herself to stare down at the clones as they train.

“They’re looking better, my love,” Kara hears her doppelganger murmur. “Stronger, faster, perhaps even less annoying than they first were.”

“They’re not ready yet,” Lena sighs, “but they will be. Lex will regret ever creating them by the time I’m finished with them,” she coldly adds. “What about _her?_ ” Kara’s ears burn at the disgusted tone, devastated to hear Lena speaking about her in such a manner.

“The real deal,” Red Kara murmurs, “which means she can hear every word we’re saying,” she adds with a chuckle. “She’s too polite to tell you that, though.” Kara lets out a sigh at her counterpart’s words and she turns to face them, flinching against Lena’s intense stare.

“I’m from Earth-38,” Kara says with a helpless shrug. “Something happened to my portal to another Earth and I ended up here. I can help you with Lex, I’ve had some dealings with him on my Earth.” Lena’s blank mask remains in place, refusing to show any emotions in front of the newcomer, but Kara can see the way Lena attempts to grind her back teeth into dust.

Lena abruptly looks away and moves towards the railing. She places her hands on the slightly rusted iron and gazes down at her clones, expressive eyes trailing Astra around the courtyard. Kara watches her carefully, sadly noting Lena’s closed off body language. She looks damaged, perhaps broken, and Kara wonders what happened to her.

Her Lena is always cautious, but allowed Kara to win her over very quickly. Lena always had baggage, trauma, but she always seemed so desperate for someone to love her and hug her. This Lena seems like she’d rather die than receive physical affection, even from her wife.

“Perhaps my lesser self could help me test them,” Red Kara suggests, stepping closer to Lena, but still maintaining a shirt distance. Kara notices the way her doppelganger reaches out to Lena, only to whip her hand backwards again, and she frowns. Is she holding back because they have company, or is there even more that Kara isn’t aware of?

“We may as well find _some_ use for her,” Lena sighs, “and then she can leave. I’m sure her people will be looking for her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come find me on [Tumblr](https://pleasepassthekangaroomate.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/PassKangaroo) :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Earth 38**

“Then where the hell is she?” Alex demands, glaring at Barry as she thumps her fist against the table. He shifts uncomfortably, his eyes darting around at the rest of Kara’s friends. “How the hell does a person just  _ disappear _ between portals?!” Alex throws her arms in the air and looks around, waiting for an answer that nobody has.

“Cisco will fix it,” Barry says with a determined nod. Alex rounds on him, dark eyes wild.

“ _ He _ is the one who fucked up the first portal,” Alex hisses. “I don’t want him anywhere near this. Nia, get Lena here now.” Nia frowns, looking around uncertainly.

“You know I don’t actually work for you, right?” Alex just glares, not caring in the slightest if she’s upsetting anyone. Not when her sister is missing. “Cool, I’ll uh.. I’ll go do that then,” Nia says awkwardly. She shoots Brainy a look, which he fails to decipher, and leaves with a sigh.

“Alex, this isn’t on Cisco,” Barry murmurs. “He knows what he’s doing, he got  _ me _ here safely didn't he? There must have been some interference. I’d place good money on the fake kryptonians being involved.”

“I don’t care  _ how _ it happened,” Alex snaps. “All I care about is finding my sister! We have no idea where she is, and no idea how to bring her back.” Alex scrubs her face with her hand, sighing deeply through her nose. “Brainy, I need you to work with Lena. I need to know where Kara ended up at the very least.”

“Of course,” Brainy nods. “I have no doubt that Miss Luthor and I can find her. Perhaps I should find coffee. There’s a 72.8% chance that she hasn’t gone to bed yet and will be in dire need of caffeine when she arrives.

“Sure,” Alex waves him off and turns back to the screens in front of her. She glares at them, as though willing an answer to pop up out of nowhere. Alex is aware of everyone watching her, but she actively ignores them. She can apologize for yelling later, once Kara is safely back on their planet.

She’s convinced that Brainy and Lena can work out what happened, even if the latter is barely on speaking terms with any of them. There’s not a single doubt in her mind that Lena will agree to help, and she sends an agent to prepare a lab for Lena to use. No matter what’s going on, Alex trusts her implicitly.

“Alex, maybe you should get some air,” she hears J’onn mumble as he places a calming hand on her shoulder. Alex shrugs him off, but does as he suggests, and marches towards the balcony at the top of the steps. It’s cold and the rain drenches her completely in just a few short moments, but Alex doesn’t care.

She stares out across the city, half expecting to see a familiar red and blue blur moving around the skies. She doesn’t, of course, and Alex swipes at the tears mingling with the rain on her face.

“Where the hell are you, Kara?” Alex murmurs. Her heart aches in her chest and Alex holds off on telling Eliza. There’s no need to worry her until they know what’s going on. Besides, her mother would just find some way to blame her for this, anway.

Alex stays there for a while, oblivious to her chattering teeth and clothes. She doesn't even move when Lena joins her on the balcony, umbrella in hand and eyebrows pinched together.

"You'll make yourself sick," Lena comments, fruitlessly holding the umbrella above Alex.

"It's not like you'd care," Alex scoffs.

"I'm here aren't I? Come on, come inside and we'll find you some dry clothes," Lena says. Alex doesn’t move and Lena sighs heavily, rolling her eyes. “You’re not going to be much help if you catch pneumonia.” Alex suddenly rounds on her, dark eyes blazing. 

“How much help have  _ you _ been lately, huh?” Alex demands, her nostrils flaring. Lena barely reacts, her features only twitching ever so slightly.

“I’ve been here most days helping you solve even the most inane cases,” Lena remarks. “I’ve helped more than some of your own employees. Please do not mistake my lack of friendship as lack of help,” Lena adds with a sniff. Alex falters, realizing Lena is right. Her anger isn’t about business, it’s personal. “You’re upset so it’s understandable that you’re lashing out, but I won’t be your punching bag, Director Danvers.”

Alex drops her head, her eyes closing as she fights off another wave of emotions. She offers Lena an apology, but it is immediately waved off. Alex can understand it, all Lena has heard for months is apology after apology, with no regard to whether or not she’s ready to hear them.

“Thank you for coming, I know it’s late,” Alex murmurs, a timid olive branch. Lena nods curtly.

“Of course.” Lena goes to walk back inside, but falters with a sigh. “We’ll find her,” Lena says softly. “I won’t stop until we do.” She reaches the balcony door before Alex calls out to her.

“I understand why you feel betrayed, Lena, but it seems like this is more than just friends fighting,” Alex says. She watches Lena stand in the doorway, her back to Alex. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think Kara will ever forgive herself.” Lena’s back muscles tighten and she freezes, standing rigidly with one hand against the frame. “We all love you, Lena.”

“I know,” Lena whispers, and Alex almost doesn’t catch it. “Let’s just bring Kara back, shall we?” Lena walks away, leaving Alex alone again. She stands there, drenched and broken, but a sliver of hope seeps into the cracks of her heart. Alex truly believes that Lena can find her, she’s just not at all sure of what will happen when she does.

With a sigh, Alex steps back inside and heads to the locker rooms, her short hair plastered to her forehead. She punches her locker door with a sickening crack, instantly cradling her throbbing hand to her chest. Angry tears leak from stinging, red rimmed eyes.

“Where the fuck are you, Kara?”

**Earth 169**

Kara knows she should be pleased about being moved to a guest bedroom instead of being sent back to her cell, but she can’t focus on anything but the rising panic inside her chest. It seems that she’s going to be stuck here for the foreseeable future without any of the people she loves around her.

Sure, Lena is here, but she’s different. She’s not  _ her _ Lena, and she definitely doesn’t seem to like, nor trust, Kara very much. There’s secrets too, so many that it makes it impossible for Kara to truly trust Lena herself. Kara knows that this Lena doesn’t owe her anything, especially not an explanation about something that is so clearly private. But she  _ hates _ it.

It was just a few short months ago that Kara could go to Lena whenever she had a bad day. She may not have been able to tell Lena everything about her day, but that never seemed to matter. The comfort always came. Whether in the form of a hug, or a confidence building chat, it didn’t matter. Kara always left Lena’s office or apartment feeling better than when she arrived.

Those days are long gone, though, and Kara hasn’t felt so broken and alone since her time trapped in the phantom zone. She isn’t sure  _ when _ Lena became a part of her reason for breathing, but Kara knows she’ll never be the same if Lena never returns to her.

She flops backwards onto the soft bed, sighing heavily and all cried out. Her eyes sting and feel puffy, her sinuses thick and muted. There’s so much to learn about this world, and the people within it, but Kara can’t bring herself to investigate anymore tonight.

It’s not like they’re going to tell her anything, anyway.

Kara just wants to go home. Her Lena may not be speaking to her, but at least there isn’t fake kryptonians roaming around on her Earth. At least when she talks to herself back home she won’t receive a fucking response. The doppelganer weirds her out more than Kara cares to admit.

Despite everything, though, there  _ is _ a part of Kara that is jealous of her red kryptonite infected doppelganger. This Kara has Lena in more ways than she expected. They’re in love on this Earth - they’re  _ married _ . Kara doesn’t fully understand the envy that creeps through her body like infectious vines - doesn’t know why it makes her heart ache and her eyes leak. 

Her Lena is her  _ best friend _ . Nothing more, right? It’s just two friends fighting because one lied to the other, Kara would  _ know _ if her feelings were more than that. She’d know if Lena was crying herself to sleep every night because she’s in love with Kara, but can no longer trust her. She’d  _ know _ if her own heart was cracking open in her chest because she’d lost the woman of her dreams.

Right?

Kara groans, scrubbing her face with her hands as she forces herself back to her feet. There’s no way she’s going to fall asleep any time soon and Kara refuses to sulk within these four walls. No matter how luxurious the room is.

She half expects her doppelganger to stop her from leaving, but Kara finds the corridors empty. It takes a few moments for her to remember the way, but Kara soon finds the balcony her other self had taken her to earlier.

The cool night air feels nice against her skin as she stares down at the now empty grounds. Her mind buzzes with a million thoughts that just won’t leave her alone. There’s movement behind her and Kara sighs, fully expecting it to be her doppelganger. She turns, surprised to see Lena watching her from the doorway.

Her heartbeat sounds different on this Earth and it unnerves Kara to know that she won’t be as aware of her presence as she usually is. Bright green eyes watch her carefully, framed with thick, black make-up which is stark against Lena’s pale complexion.

“It’s a nice place to come and think,” Lena murmurs, her tone void of any emotion.

“I’m sorry, I can go somewhere else,” Kara offers. Lena shakes her head, motioning for Kara to stay where she is. Lena joins her at the railing, but maintains her distance. “I know you don’t want me here, but thank you for giving me a comfortable room instead of sending me to the streets,” Kara states.

“I may be a monster,” Lena sighs, “but I’m not  _ that _ awful. Besides, I’d rather keep an eye on you,” Lena states.

“You’re not a monster,” Kara automatically retorts. “Lex is the monster, he always has been. I don’t have to be from this Earth to know that. He and your Mother.” Kara doesn’t miss the way Lena flinches at the mention of Lillian, and it piques her curiosity. “Sorry, she  _ sucks _ on my Earth, I didn’t mean to make an assumption.” 

“Oh, she sucked here too,” Lena chuckles dryly. “But Lillian has been dead for three years. She’s nothing but a horrific memory now.”

“Shit,” Kara breathes out. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Lena waves her off, “I’m the one who killed her.” 

Kara freezes, her hands gripping the railing of the balcony. The nonchalant tone from Lena freaks her out more than the admission itself does.  _ Her _ Lena has killed, too, but Lex’s death had broken her and plagued her since it happened. Her Lena would never shrug at a loss of life - no matter who the person is, or was.

“Why?” Kara’s voice is a strained whisper, and she almost doesn’t want to hear the answer, but she knows she won’t be able to relax until she does.

“I’m sure you’re aware of my wife’s biggest difference to you,” Lena sighs. “Red kryptonite is not supposed to have a permanent effect, but Lillian engineered it do so. My Kara has been permanently changed, and I can’t even get close enough to hold her anymore.” 

Kara watches Lena swallow thickly, emerald eyes shining with emotion and blinking quickly.

“Is the red kryptonite dangerous to you, too?” Kara asks, frowning. “I’ve only ever heard of black kryptonite affecting humans,” she notes. Lena laughs dryly.

“I wish it were that simple,” Lena murmurs. She stares out at the empty grounds, refusing to meet Kara’s gaze. “I came to National City to change my family’s legacy, to rebrand it as L-Corp, a force for good. I wanted to share a city with a hero and work with her to fix everything my brother had ruined.”

Lena squeezes her eyes closed, her chin trembling. Kara wants to reach out, to grab Lena and hold her in her arms, but she knows it’s not her place. Neither on this Earth, or back home.

“My helicopter was attacked and I was convinced Kara would save me, but the red kryptonite already had a hold of her,” Lena whispers, her voice shaking. “Instead, my mother dragged my broken body to her laboratory and experimented on me for months,” she bitterly mutters. “She turned me into a monster, but she made a crucial mistake. Lillian made me strong, powerful, but she didn’t gain my loyalty. I made her pay for that mistake.”

Lena’s lip curls, and Kara can’t tell if she’s disgusted by Lillian’s actions or her own.

“I worked with Kara for months, both of us seeking revenge on Lex, but he isn’t as predictable as Lillian was,” Lena scoffs, her knuckles straining white as she grips the railing. “We haven’t been able to get near him. Kara became  _ everything _ to me, but I can’t even share a bed with her without risking her life.”

“What did Lillian do to you?” Kara questions, almost fearful of the response. Lena turns to face her, pale features somber. Her hand slowly lifts to her chest, Lena’s fingers trembling as she slowly opens her jacket.

The glow of kryptonite from Lena’s chest hits Kara like a steam train, sending her stumbling backwards as she struggles to stay on her feet. Kara grits her teeth, but doesn’t allow herself to look away, sad eyes fixed on the erratic beats of Lena’s engineered heart. 

Lena closes her jacket again and takes a few steps backwards, allowing Kara some space to recover.

“She called me Metallo. If you're truly willing to help us, then I figured you should know the truth."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr](https://pleasepassthekangaroomate.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/PassTheKangaroo)


End file.
